Relationships: July 3rd is National Soulmate Day
Today is National Soulmate Day.
Cute, right? First of all I had no idea until I was scrolling on social media and someone posted their partner and in the caption it said “post your other half.”
It feels little cringe. Kind of romantic. But it mostly feels ✨hallmark spiritual✨ in a way that used to make my inner Pisces swoon. (Think Sweetest Day, is it real? No but it makes my heart happy.)
But this year, it hits different.
Because I spent 3 months this year believing I met my soulmate.
The kind of meeting that rearranges you, the kind of meeting that feels fated.
But now, with space and a lot of scar tissue, I know what it really was:
It was Limerence.
Limerence is an intense, obsessive infatuation where you idealize someone and crave their attention, often mistaking fantasy and emotional highs for real love, or a “soulmate” connection.
And my ex, knowingly or not, manipulated the limerence.
He mirrored the parts of me I most wanted seen, gave just enough to keep me holding on, and left me feeling like I had to earn love that should have been freely given.
Soulmates & Spirituality
I don’t believe in “The One.” Because you know me I always gotta be different, and I feel like this idea of “the one”, a “soulmate” or now “twin flame”, is just a societal social construct.
I believe in many ones.
I believe in soul contracts with multiple people throughout your life.
I believe in meeting people at exact moments for exact reasons, lessons, awakenings, ego death, rebirth.
Some soulmates arrive to love you.
Some arrive to shake you and turn your world upside down.
Soulmates come into our life’s over the span of multiple life’s to teach us lessons, test us, help us grow, soulmates can be romantic connections, family, children, friends and mentors.
Soulmates in Non-Monogamy
People always ask me especially because I’m spiritual:
“How do soulmates work when you’re non-monogamous?”
And I say: exactly the same, but with more permission.
If you believe love is abundant, then why would soulmates be scarce?
Why would the universe only give you one tether point when you are made of constellations?
But that’s the problem with believing there’s only one person out there who can make you whole, that’s scarcity mindset.
In non-monogamy, a soulmate might be:
A partner you nest with
A play partner who opens your body like no one ever has before.
A friend you love with your whole chest
A person who holds your hand during grief, even if you never fuck
What I’ve Learned About Soulmates (and Myself)
This year taught me that just because someone feels like home doesn’t mean they’ll stay. This year has taught me to be cautious in love. I learned that someone can look you in the eyes and say they see your soul, and still leave it bleeding. That a soulmate can be someone who cracked you open, but you’re the one who did the healing.
I used to think soulmates were rare and precious. Now I know they’re everywhere.
When I personally reflect on soulmates I think about this one episode of Sex And The City(the show that raised me.)
In The Agony and the Ex-tacy (Season 4, Episode 1), when Carrie asks Big if he believes people are destined to be together, if they’re soulmates, he very non chalantly says:
“Maybe.”
(long pause)
“Maybe not.”
That quote, “Maybe. Maybe not.”, stuck with me.
Not because it was romantic.
But because it wasn’t. Mr. Big reminds me of so many of my partners. And this quote reminds me how much I used to cling to almost-love as if it were enough. But now, 2025 me?
I’m learning to let go of the need for cosmic confirmation. (Don’t worry, I’m always going to compare cute guys’ birth charts to mine.)
But I’m going to stop asking the universe if someone is “the one” and start asking myself: Do I feel safe here? Do I feel seen? Do I feel me? Soulmates aren’t always answered prayers. Soulmates aren’t these father figures who come into our lives to save us from ourselves. Sometimes soulmates are just chapters. Sometimes they’re teachers. And sometimes, they’re the reason you finally learn to love without attachment to the outcome. (Thank you to my last “soulmate” for teaching me this.)
So now, I don’t need the stars to spell it out.
I don’t need fate to give me a sign.
Do I believe in soulmates? Maybe. Maybe not.
Either way, I’m gonna love you with my whole heart.
And I’m gonna love me even harder.
I say that because maybe your truest soulmate is the version of yourself you’re finally becoming.
The one who won’t settle. The one who stays with her own heart. The one who no longer calls abandonment fate. The one who stops looking to be saved and starts saving herself.
If this landed in your heart ❤️
Share it with someone who’s questioning what soulmates really are.
Comment below and tell me,
Have you ever mistaken longing for love?
XOXO,
Kiley
