Swinger Help Desk: Is There A Space In The Swinger Community For Transgender Women?
Finding Affirming Spaces in the Non-Monogamous Community
S asks: Is there any place for us transgender women?
Dear S,
Thank you for your thoughtful question, and I want to start by acknowledging the courage it takes to ask something so deeply personal. I want to affirm that your experiences, your identity, and your desire for connection are valid and worthy of being seen and respected.
To answer your question simply: Yes, absolutely, there is a place for you.
But I also want to acknowledge the nuances behind this response.
Historically, many spaces within the swinger community have been centered around cisnormative and heteronormative ideals, which can make it challenging for transgender people to feel truly welcomed. This is something we must all work to change.
You deserve to enter spaces that celebrate all of who you are without feeling like you need to justify your presence or educate others on your existence. This work is dependent on communities and organizers to do the work to make their spaces safer and more affirming for transgender individuals. This includes clear policies around inclusivity, thoughtful moderation, and the promotion of education that dismantles harmful stereotypes.
I believe that everyone deserves to explore intimacy, pleasure, connection, and community in ways that feel right to them. For transgender women, finding spaces that feel truly welcoming can sometimes mean asking tough questions: Are the people here truly affirming, or am I being tokenized? Do I feel safe expressing myself authentically? Are there allies and advocates present who understand the unique experiences of transgender individuals?
My hope is that you continue to seek out spaces and relationships that feel joyful, affirming, and expansive. There are communities out there who will see you for all that you are and celebrate your presence. Some spaces that come to mind include The Body Shop in Pittsburgh, Naughty in Nawlins, and our home club here in Cleveland, Club Eros. As I find more spaces, I will make sure to let you know and reach out.
In my own work, whether through social media or in my coaching practice, I am committed to creating environments that honor the diversity of experiences people bring to the table. Transgender women have always been a vital part of the sexual freedom movement, and your voice and presence are invaluable.
Know that your journey is important. You belong in these spaces. And there are people, like myself, who are actively working to ensure that you never have to question that again.
Share Your Experiences
I’d love to hear from readers and subscribers about the spaces and communities where you’ve seen transgender individuals celebrated and welcomed. Your insights and experiences can help others find affirming spaces and create a stronger sense of belonging for everyone in our community. Please feel free to share in the comments or reach out directly—I’m always grateful to learn from you.
For those looking to explore more voices on these topics, I highly recommend following Kat Blaque on YouTube. She shares her personal experiences within the kink community, and alternative relationship spaces, offering invaluable insights from a transgender perspective.
Support My Work
If you’ve found value in this piece, I’d love for you to consider subscribing to my Substack. Your support helps me continue creating content that fosters inclusivity and understanding within the non-monogamous and swinger communities. Additionally, if you’re interested in exploring your own relationship journey, I offer personalized coaching sessions to help individuals and couples navigate non-monogamy, intimacy, and communication. Together, we can create the relationships that feel authentic and fulfilling for you.
Thank you for being part of this community and for supporting my work.
With love and solidarity,
Kiley